Withered Away and Blooming Anew
by SpaceIsEndless
Summary: SI/OC in which a girl, with no knowledge of anime whatsoever, dies and ends up being thrown into the body of Kinomoto Sakura at the beginning of the series.
1. chapter 1

**I don't own anything you** **recognize as CLAMP's.**

 **Warning:** mention, although not really graphic, of suicide. If that triggers you, please skip the italics at the beginning. It's just a small introduction to show how she dies.

 **This was inspired by** _Rabbit of the Moon_ **by** _The Butterfly Defect_ **and** _Sakura_ **by** _Darkpetal16_ **I absolutely adored those stories and they were what led me to have this idea so if you see any similarities, it's because I've read it way too many times.**

* * *

 _She's standing on the edge of the bridge, not even holding. Just staring the water below._

I'm tired, _she thinks._

 _She just wants it to end. She doesn't want to continue like this. The wounds on her back are still fresh and still send a wave of pain all over her body. She tries to warp her thin, bony arms around herself but they don't do much against the wind and the cold._

 _She feels so_ alone

 _She doesn't have anything, anyone_.

 _Her own mother doesn't care about her, never did. Because if she did, she'd stop or at least protest against_ him _when uses his hands to mark her own daughter's body and not in the beautiful way. It hurts, hurts so_ much _knowing that you're nothing to your mother, the one person who's supposed to love you unconditionally. Well, she was a mistake so she can see the reason why for the resentment. Her mother had been so young and brillinat, college and her whole life ahead of her until she met_ him _and it all went to shit._

 _She supposes that doesn't matter anymore. Her mother wanted her gone since she was born and it took her seventeen years to realize that her mother's right._

I'm going _, she thinks closing her eyes and spreading her arms to each side of her._

 _It took her seventeen years but she's finally here._

 _She'll finally have what she's wanted since the first time_ he _locked in her own room without food and water for days._

 _Freedom._

 _And she lets herself fall, smiling at the though of drowning her way to freedom._

I'm so, so _tired_.

 _The water is cold and it chills her bones. She remains with her eyes and mouth closed, despite the way her body's survival instincts is trying to make her open it to breathe out the non-existent air into her burning lungs._

 _But despite the way the cold water was slowly leading her to her death, this was the most safe she felt in_ years.

* * *

Death had been peaceful somehow.

There had been no stress, anger or darkness. It had been warm, wrapping my whole being like an embrace. I don't know how to explain how I was _aware_ but it was like I was there, in the nothingness and wasn't at the same time. But either way, it didn't last long. I was _pulled_ by something that I can't describe what and I didn't have any forces to fight back.

I wanted to remain in the peacefulness that was death.

But then I was _pulled_ and then _shoved_ into this place that I can't describe? It felt oddly familiar? but I quickly understood that it's a small space and that I _wasn't alone_. There was someone, something? with me and it felt like it was afraid? but then again so was I. I reached out for the other _being_ but the moment I _touched_ it, I felt it struggle against me, against this _place_ and without thinking, I fought back. Call it survival instincts (do I even still have those? Aren't I dead?) or whatever but I just fought back.

With my mind or body or _whatever was going on_ , I fought with whatever I was left.

Suddenly, the small presence, like a young child's maybe? started shrink and shrink and I was growing stronger and stronger, not sure with what, but there was _something_ passing onto me and my head is filled with so _much._

The many different characters and words of _Japanese_ began filling my mind, faces and people I've never seen before but slowly grow to understand who they are. A woman with long silver hair and green eyes. She's so still, like she's a photograph? but her smile is so warm like the sun. The word _Mother_ associates with her almost instantly but she's not _my mother._ A tall man with brown hair and equal brown eyes that is almost never home but I still feel this warm feeling when I saw his face. _Father_ , the unknown feeling seems to tell me but he's not _my father._ Another man but he's much younger than _Father_ with darker hair and eyes and there's this annoyance and care associated with him, along with the words _Older Brother_ but I don't _have any siblings._ A young girl with long grayinsh-violet hair and purple eyes that seems to always be with a camera and smiling. _Best friend._ The words associate with her the best. And there's this other man, a tall man with silver hair and eyes the same color and the feeling of crazy heartbeats and blushes is what I could associate more with him. _The person that is hold most dear_ but he's not _that to me_. There's tons of other people but those are the ones who stand out the most. The memories were so many, like a _life_ of them.

 _But they're not_ my _memories._

 _They're_ ** _someone else's._**

My mind seems to slowly get used to the tons of information but it doesn't process it as immediately as I'd thought. It's like the memories are there, in the back of my mind but I can't easily access them. Not that I want them. They're _not mine!_ Why did I see them? I don't understand. It's not like I was _reborn_ or thrown into someone's- _Oh_.

 ** _Oh._**

And then, it was like it suddenly clicked.

The _being_ that had been with me had been the owner of these memories. The _being_ that I fought against and slowly disappeared. They left behind these memories and I _absorbed_ them because there wasn't anyone else. Anyone else but _me. Me_ , a seventeen year old kid who just couldn't deal with living anymore was brought into someone's mind, _absorbed them_ which is almost the same as _killing_ them and is now in their place.

I just _killed_ someone.

I just took over someone's _body._

I killed myself to be free but _death_ \- or whoever the _fuck_ was in charge of this crap! - decided that it'd be nice to screw me over and make me take someone's life?

Is this some sort of punishment for taking my life?

I take my life before my time and whoever is in charge decided to place me in someone else's body, essentially killing them instead just for hell of it?

The universe has a sick sense of humor.

* * *

 **I noticed that there's not a SI story in this fandom (if there is, I haven't found it) and even though that many fans are not fond of OCs, I've had this idea in my mind for a while so I just want to get it out**.

 **But my inspiration for this story is big so I'll probably be writing the next chapter fast if everything goes well.**


	2. chapter 2

**I don't own anything you recognize as CLAMP's.**

 **I'm glad people enjoyed the first chapter. I still don't have a updating schedule but I'll do my best to update regularly.**

* * *

I realize almost that, no matter how crazy this seems and how _impossible_ any of this is, that I just can't stay here in my mind.

I haven't digested this whole thing; not even _close_. The whole: dying-and-taking-over-someone still (and always will, I'm sure) sounds borderline _absurd_ and ridiculous and _why me? Why did this happen to me God_ but I've come into _terms_ with it. And with coming into terms l mean, mentally _scream_ over and over about how _freaking stupid and horrible_ this whole situation is. But, despite wanting to, I can't stay inside my mind forever.

I _have_ to go out there and get used to this new body because there's _no going back_.

Sure, I was brought here when I died but I'm not sure if I'll _stay dead_ if I end up killing myself again or if something like this will happen again. I'm not sure of anything anymore. And what about this body? I _absorbed_ (however that _fucking works_ it still sounds out of this world) whoever this person was and took their body _involuntarily_ as my own. They're _not_ coming back. The same way I'm not going back to my own body, which is probably broken without repair and already beneath the earth.

So no easy way out.

More like, no way out _period_.

The only thing I can do right now is wake up in this body, get used to it and hope to God that I can get used to it.

 _Get used_ to it. Like it's _that_ simple.

I let myself fade away from my mind and slowly, as I - _this body_ \- wakes up, my senses appear. The first thing I register is the sheets beneath me and the covers over my ( _this_ ) body. It feels almost weird to _feel_ again. When I breathe in, it's almost abnormal and I almost choke when I gasp to much. My eyelids flutter open and I blink a couple of times, blurry vision adjusting to the yellow ceiling above me, so so different from my dirty white one.

The room is also very different than my own.

I mean, I never considered my room _my_ _room_ because I was never necessarily happy there and the only things in it had been a bed, a light and my school backpack with the books always inside, even though I just left the house with it but didn't necessarily go to school. I didn't have any sort of toys growing up or plushies.

This room is simple but full, not having other words to describe it. The walls are a soft yellow and the wooden floor not as dark as mine was. There's a window right by the bed and a desk right after it, horizontal against the the wall opposite to the bed. There's some small plushies, books and a school bag on top of the desk itself and others on the small table beside the desk in front of another window. A TV sits in the corner beside the closet and the door is right beside the end of the bed.

It's the room of a _child_.

The though makes chills run down my spine.

I sit up, taking the light blue covers off me and let my toes touch the soft carpet. I push myself up and this body feels _weird_ and am I smaller? The desk seems bigger than it's supposed to be. I mean, I wasn't the tallest person but I hadn't felt this small. I take a step forward, stumbling a bit but I don't fall. I remain balanced and decide to reach for the small mirror that's on top of the desk. Small hands (are they _smaller_ than my own?) appear in my vision and when I have the object in them, I pull it close so I can finally see what this face looks like.

A young girl's face (oh God _she looks way younger than I was_. She looks like she's twelve? Maybe _younger_?) stares back at me. She has short brown hair, lighter than what mine used to be and fair skin which is opposite to my once pale, almost white skin. Her eyes are perhaps the weirdest thing. They're this blue color, that with horror, I realize to be my own eye color but there's this emerald green in there that is almost _melding_ with the blue, turning it into a blue greenish eye color.

I tighten my grip on the mirror, controlling my breathing. This is my face now, the face I'll be wearing for the rest of my - _this_ \- life.

That doesn't make me feel better.

I put the mirror back in its place and jump when beeping starts to come from behind me. Turns out, it's an alarm that clearly shows 6:00am back at my face. I click it off and wonder for a minute what I'm supposed to do. Maybe I should get dressed? See if there's anyone home maybe? It's early so this girlsgirl's family must be still sleeping?

When I face the door, hand ready to take the handle, I freeze.

I'm scared to go out there, _terrified_ because what if this person's life is like mine? What if I'm not authorized to leave my room? Will I get beaten again? Will I get yelled at? From the memories, the people in her life didn't seem bad. They seemed so _nice_ and they actually _cared_ and I feel like crying because I don't know what that is.

 _Just do it_ , I tell myself, firmly grabbing the handle, _Nothing can be worse than what you went though._

I open the door and enter a hallway, passing two, three doors and finding stairs at the end of it. I hesitate for a second, ready to flee back into the room in case something awful happens because it's my automatic response, but ultimately decide to slowly go down, one step at time. The first floor is vaguely _familiar_ due to the memories but I'm still terrified to go there. I'm about to walk into the kitchen which is right beside the stairs but stop by the entrance of it, staring at the man that is humming to himself as he cooks something.

The man is the _Father_ from the memories; the father of this body.

I never called my father _father_ or felt that he was one because he just wasn't. I mean, who was the person who would beat up their own child and verbally abuse them as well? He never cared about me; just about the drugs and alcohol. So I reciprocated the feelings. I didn't care about him either. And the same goes for my so called _mother_.

But there's something about this man. Maybe it's because the memories are influencing my own mind or whatever but he's so _different._ He seems kind, actually cares and loves his children.

And at the same time. . .

I can't help but see my so called _father_ in every man that I cross paths with. It's something I just can't help. One way or another, I'm going to get hurt or locked up just _like before._

"Sakura-san?"

The name reaches my ears and I look up to find the man now staring at me through his retangular glasses in surprise. Sakura? Is that my( _her_ ) name? I think so.

"You're not usually this early," his lips for a warm smile as he approaches me and I resist taking a step back. I understand the Japanese completely, almost as if it was my main language.

"Uh," I don't even recognize my voice. It sounds so _not me_ and the Japanese just flows through my mouth as I speak quietly, "I- _I_ couldn't go b-back to sleep."

The foreign language sounds so weird. I couldn't speak anything else but English. I learned some, nearly nothing of French and Spanish in school but since I spent more time out of class then in them, I didn't keep anything in my brain. So hearing myself (no, not _myself_ ) speak this language that I never learned or speak before, just knew of its existence because of the people around me talking about it and all that, it's just. . . _strange_.

The man chuckles and the sound is as foreign as the language we're speaking. I never heard any of my parents laugh or chuckle like that. They'd do it but mockingly and not as warmly as he was doing it right now.

"Then I'll just finish breakfast so we can eat," he says gently as he kneels to my height.

I see his hand going up and towards me and I can't stop the flinch that goes through my body. I step back instinctively.

 _Dont hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me please please please_

"Sakura-san?"

 ** _I didn't do_** **anything**.

( _"Yes, you did!"_ he _yells, grabbing onto my hair and pulling me up, ignoring my wails of pain, "You were_ born _and screwed up our lives! You should've died in her womb!"_ )

I squeeze my eyes shut, gasping and gulping as much air as I can and try to ignore _his_ voice that is always there and has always been there. There's a voice that is calling _Sakura-san_ over and over and asking if I'm - _she's_ \- okay and I try to hold on to his voice. It sounds so concerned and worried, emotions that _their_ voices never embodied. I use the voice as a focus point, as something to keep me guided as I control my harsh breathing.

 _I'm okay it's safe_ he _can't get or hurt me anymore I'm dead to_ them

The thought makes it better; it makes me feel better. _They_ can't hurt me anymore. I can _finally_ breathe again.

When I can't hear _his_ voice anymore, I slowly open my eyes and find the man's face right in front of mine. I feel my back against a wall and vaguely I wonder, _did I back away without even realizing_? I also realize that I've been covering my ears so I let my hands fall and focus on the man; this body's father. Does that make him _my_ father now?

His hands, much bigger than mine, are on my shoulders, the touch soft and warm and in no way hurting me as his eyes are focusing on my own, the heavy concern and worry still clearly visible on them, "Are you alright? Breathe in and out, Sakura, in and out."

I do as he says, even though the worse part has passed but I don't want to have anymore questions to answer.

"You never had an attack like this before. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Uh. . ." I don't know how to answer that. How do I explain this panic attack, without sounding crazy? Like _hey I just had an panic attack because my father was an asshole to me my whole life oh and I'm not your daughter I'm just a girl that took over her body and absorbed her ahahah let's have breakfast._ Yeah, that'd go _so_ well. "I just. . . remembered a bad dream. Yeah, the nightmare I had t-tonight."

It's weird speaking Japanese and my voice didn't sound like _my_ voice so I'm suspecting that it's this body's - _girl's_ \- voice. It sounds really different from my one but at least since she was _\- had been_ \- Japanese since birth, I didn't have to deal with accents as I spoke a language that I never learned in my life.

"But it looked really bad. Maybe you should rest a bit more?"

I blink at him before trying to form a smile that is probably more a grimace than anything. "No, it's fine. I'm fine."

Funny. That's what I'd tell everyone that found me limping or wincing in pain. _I'm fine_.

It was amazing how easily they'd believe me, like they didn't really care.

And they _didn't_.

He still looks doubtful but straightens his back and he's on his feet and I do the same, stumbling a bit.

"I'm, uh, going to have a shower," I blurt out, not really sure of what I should say but _fuck_ it.

Not really waiting for his answer, I turn around and walk out of the kitchen, wondering where the heck the bathroom was.

 _Lovely_.

"Why do you look like like a lost puppy?"

I jump at the sudden voice, turning around almost immediately. A tall young man with dark brown hair - the other one from the memories; the brother of this body - is approaching me, coming down the stairs in a light blue uniform. I don't answer him and he raises his eyebrow when he's next to me.

"Oi, you're listening or is the monster not awake yet to do it?"

There's this smirk on his lips that doesn't look necessarily evil and bad but it remembers me of _his_ smirk when he'd mock me. I look down and pass by him wordlessly, starting to go upstairs. I'll take a shower later. I hear him mumble something incoherent, maybe wondering what's wrong with his sister, but I don't care to listen. I go back to the room I woke up in and close the door behind me.

That was _horrible_.

Somehow, part of me thought that it'd go _good_ but it was absolutely _horrible_.

I reach the closet and open it, a school uniform catching my eye immediately. I never had to wear uniforms. My school had been a public one and we weren't required but maybe it's different in Japan. It's at these times that I wish I had gone to my classes. The uniform itself was simple; a black long sleeved shirt with a a long white tie with red strips and a skirt. There's this pair of black shoes beneath it so I'm guessing it's part of it? I think so.

I take it out and lay it on the bed, hesitating.

 _Just do it._

And I take off the pajamas I'm wearing in one go. When I look in the mirror, it's clear as day that it's no longer my body. There's no scars on the stomach and chest areas or burns covering the legs. The neck is clear of the purple marks I had before I had left the house and the body is clearly you her and healthier than mine had been. When I walked downstairs, I didn't feel the pain I'd usually feel doing it.

As I stare more at the reflection of the girl that is clearly not me, I don't forget the fact that this isn't my body. It'll truly never be.

 _God,_ _stop,_ I tell myself, moving my gaze away from the mirror.

I put on the uniform as best as I can, feeling awkward in the damn skirt. I _hate_ using skirts. I never wore them because they'd expose the state of my legs. I don't put on the shoes because I _shouldn't_ use shoes inside the house. It makes to much noise so I keep them in my hand. I look in the mirror and run a hand through the short brown hair that its kind of wavy and oily because I didn't bother to wash it and through the bangs to fix them.

 _Fuck_ _it._

Picking up the bag, I stare once more at the mirror but rip my eyes away before I lament anything else.

I have done that enough for today.

I _can't_ do anything about this situation.

(But oh, _how_ it still _pains_ me to admit it.)

I go back downstairs and go straight down the hall instead of turning to the kitchen and find the front door and I see a pair of bright red roller skates beside two pairs of shoes. Are those this body's? Did she go with them to school or something? But I don't even _know_ the way to school and if I ask it would be weird. They'd figure something's wrong and I don't want that. I don't want to answer difficult questions.

I'll have to rely on the memories that were now inside my mind.

I reach for the handle of the door when-

"Sakura-san?"

\- the soft voice that I immediately recognize as the father's voice reaches my ears and I find him walking towards me, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"You didn't have breakfast."

Ah, that. "I'm not hungry. . ." I reply hesitantly, before adding after some thought, "father."

"Are you sure?" he continues, still sounding _and_ looking concerned that is starting to kind of overwhelming me, "I don't think it's a good idea if you go to school without eating. Don't you have cheerleading practice today? And you're not waiting for Toya?"

Oh my god. _Cheerleading_? Are you _kidding_ me right know? This girl goes - _went_ \- to cheerleading practice? Hell no. Not happening. And waiting for the guy? That'd be a reasonable way for me to find my way to school but I just need to _get out_ _get out get out_. And despite being freaking out inside, I smile a smile that I hope is not a grimace. "I'll be okay."

 _I'm used to not eating after all_ , I think to myself.

"See you later!" I say as loud as I feel comfortable doing, not letting him reply and I'm out of the house.

I walk out of the gate and stare at the long road, wondering _how in hell_ I'm going to try and remember the way to school.

* * *

 **I hope everything that happens in this chapter sounds okay and not rushed because of course she's still not okay with the whole 'reincarnation thing' but she realized that she just couldn't stay inside the room and do nothing without raising a few eyebrows and being weird.**

 **I wanted to show the way she is and how she acts with grow ups due to the abuse she went through in her past life and I hope I did a somehow good job at it.**

 **Hope you enjoyed this!**


	3. chapter 3

**I don't own anything that you recognize as CLAMP's.**

* * *

I end up not finding my way to the school.

Surpirse, surprise.

I just wander through the unknown streets, trying to get _everything_ into my brain. The city is overall _familiar_ (I can see it clearly in my head from the memories I _took_ from _her_ ) but it's _unknown_ to me. I flinch when my shoulders come into contact with other people that seem to be in a rush to work but I don't say a word. I just look from side to side, trying to _adjust_ I guess to... well, _all of this_.

 _Because this is apparently my life now._

I blink away the oh so familiar sting of tears. I should be happy, right? I got what I wanted. I got away from those two _horrible_ people and they can't find me now. I'm on the other side of the _world_.

 _In a body that's not mine_.

I swallow dryly and shake my head. _No. Don't think about_ that. Let's not go over that again.

( _I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry_ ** _I'm sorry_** )

I squeeze the fabric of the skirt in my hands, the bag heavy on my back (god, why did I decide it'd be a good idea to actually _consider_ going to school?) as I walk a bit faster, away from the prying eyes I feel curiously looking my way. I have no idea where I'm going but I'm just letting my body almost move on its own, not particularly caring where I'll end up. Everything around me is almost a blur until I finally come to an stop.

I stare at the huge penguin slide that stares back at me, a couple of meters away.

I'm in some kind of playground for kids, but there's not really any kids around. There's a lady with a small child of about two or three years old to her chest, talking softly to him and when I realize I'm staring, I quickly look away.

 _My mother never treated me like that,_ I think before I can stop myself.

She never held me to her chest or took care of any of the scars and purple bruises that color _\- colored_ \- my whole back like a canvas. She was never really a mother to me but she was the only female figure I had in my life so I had to deal with what I had.

Even if-

( _"Why were you born, huh?! To ruin our lives?! We don't_ need you **No one needs** you!"

" ** _M-Mama_**!")

-you'd just stare with that damn blank stare on yours as I was starved and beaten to almost death. Even when I was just a little girl. You'd do _nothing._ You probably haven't even noticed I'm gone, huh? _That's_ how your daughter's life meant to you.

I guess... I _don't care anymore_.

( _It's not my problem anymore_.)

I'm _free_.

I sit on the swing and gently push myself forward, feeling the wind go though my hair. It feels so good. My lips twitch upwards and I find myself reaching a hand out to the blue sky, towards the beautiful white clouds that are covering the morning sky.

 _I'm free._

I stop swinging, just sitting there and my eyes travel almost involuntarily to the mother with her child. They're on their feet, the small boy tumbling a bit on his shaky legs and he tightly holds his mother's hand in his smaller one. The mother says something and I watch the boy mumble something back before they leave the park, leaving me behind alone with the sound of the wind rustling the leaves of the trees around me.

I don't know how long I stay there, just listening and feeling the breeze on my face but I don't even mind.

This is so _different_.

Normally, at this time, I'd probably be hiding my face in my arms in class, getting the sleep I couldn't get at home because _he'd_ always be yelling at something- me, my mother, the _damn alcohol_ bottles. I never really appreciated how enjoying being outside was like because I'd always have the fear of going home (despite everything, that place was still _home_ in my head, the only one I knew) on my shoulders so just feeling the wind and hearing the soft sounds of the birds is so _refreshing_.

 _I deserve to enjoy it, right?_

(" _You don't deserve anything! You_ never _did_ anything _to make you deserve anything or anyone_!")

 _Shut up shut up_ ** _shut up_** **get out of my head**

I _deserve_ this.

Anyone that went through the same shit as me or something similar deserves to just _live_ and _enjoy living_ , not being afraid _all the time_ because the people they live with are assholes and don't know what a _family_ _is_ because alcohol and drugs are clearly more important.

I breathe in, _his_ voice vanishing once again into the back of my mind and I stand up.

One last time, I look up to the blue sky and reach out, closing my fist slowly before walking forward and leaving an empty swing and park behind.

* * *

I somehow find my way back home (taking a wrong turn a couple of times but I _did it_ ) and let myself not be afraid of going inside.

It's empty, like I expected. The father probably already went to work and the brother to school most likely.

I step inside, leaving my shoes at the entrance and leave my bag there as well. I take note of how _spotless_ the house is (unlike my own, which was always a chaos even if I cleaned it a thousand times a day. It's still be a _disaster)_. Feeling my stomach growing, I pause my wandering around the house and wonder if there's something to eat. The stab of hunger is _familiar_ and almost _comforting_ but this isn't my other life anymore.

I _can_ eat. There's no one stopping me or yelling at me to keep from doing it.

Making my way into the kitchen, my eyes catch the photo on top of the dinner table and when I go closer to inspect, it's a photo of the lady with the silver hair and green eyes. _The mother_ from the memories.

She's smiling so warmly and happily in the picture as she poses with some flowers all around her that just complement her skin tone.

 _She's dead_.

( **Like me** )

I shake the thought out of my mind. I touch the photo softly before making my way to the fridge. I'm opening it when my ears catch a small noise.

It's _so_ faint and small that I nearly didn't catch it and I can't decipher what it is but when it reaches my ears again, I just _freeze_ , goosebumps appearing all over my arms.

 _Is someone inside the house?_

Something goes through my body, _urging_ me to go see what it is and before I can even comprehend what I'm doing, I have a knife in my hand and I'm moving into the hallway. I peek first to find it empty and I tightly hold the knife, as I step forward trying to figure out where the sound is coming from. It's not from the living room or upstairs. I gulp, making my way through the hallway, close to the wall and the same feeling from before goes through me, making me slowly turn my head towards the very last door.

 _There?_

I slowly make my way to it, the knife _still_ on my hand and the sound getting progressively louder. With a shaking hand, I softly turn the handle.

 _What am I doing what am I doing_ ** _what am I doing?_**

Do I want to die?

No, but there's _something._ I can't really explain it but there is something _pulling_ me, _leading_ me. I open the door gently, finding some kind of small house library. I step inside and pay attention to the sound that it's starting to seem... _familiar_.

Is that... _snoring_?

I thought the father and the brother had left but could one of them be here?

 _No, that's stupid._ There wasn't any other pair of shoes at the entrance.

I breathe in and out and make my way slowly around the shelves but I fjnd the area empty. The snoring is still coming from somewhere around here so I just keep going. Between the next two shelves is also empty so the last turn is the last one and that's whew here the sound _is_ louder.

 _one, two..._

"Three!" I whisper before rushing forward and holding the knife in front of me defensively but there's no one there? I frown, still holding the knife up because the snoring is clearly still _there_ but for some reason it's not coming from _anyone_?

I step forward into the small space, careful with the books that are on the floor and look around in confusion. The snoring is here, on my ears and just as I'm about to turn around, my eyes catch a flash of red on the shelf.

A book.

I take it out and even though dusty, it's _different_. On the red cover, there's a large lion with a gold sun stamped over it and there's golden parts in the corners of the cover probably to protect them. There's also writing on top of the lion, which is the same that is one the spine of the book.

"' _The Clow_ '?" I read out loud, frowning at the weird word.

And then, as I ran my hands through the cover, completely out of my power, images surface in my head..

 _.. It's night and theres light coming from every building and house and a big red tower is right in front of me..._

 _... I -_ is it even _me_? - _am standing on top of a building, stating right at the tower. I'm wearing this pink costume that I don't care much about and there's cards? falling around me? I'm holding this_ staff _? and there's someone else there with me, flying beside me, a yellow plushie?..._

 _... and there's someone else too but they're on top of the tower, long hair flying everywhere. I can't see who they are but my mouth is moving out of my control, even though I can't bear what I'm saying, and in a moment, I'm_ jumping _and oh god I'm gonna die I'm gonna dieImgonnadie_

I snap out of my trance, the shrill beeping of a phone reaching my ears and I nearly drop the book in surprise but I'm holding tightly to it.

 _What the hell was_ ** _that_** _?_

It felt so _real_. It felt _way_ too real.

I never had dreams like that. I never had dreams period, so seeing that, seeing how a little girl dreamed that up and the fact that it felt so _real._ I could feel the breeze in my hair and feel my breathing and just feel _everything_.

The phone is still ringing so I quickly leave the basement and head towards the living room, where the sound is coming from. Still holding the red book close to my chest, I gulp and prepare myself for anything.

I pick up the phone, holding it to my ear, "H-hello?"

There's a relieved sigh on the other side, " _Sakura-san, please don't ever do that again. The school called me because you didn't show up and there wasn't any way to find you._ _Toya-kun will be going home after the class he's having. Are you okay?_ "

I feel my gut curling with shame, "I-I'm sorry... f-father," the word is still weird on my tongue, "I didn't mean to worry you. I just... didn't feel well and came back home and I forgot to call to let you know. I-I'm sorry."

" _It's alright, I'm just glad you're okay and that nothing happened,_ " he says, still in that soft voice of his but I can still hear the concern and the relief and the worry and it just makes me feel so _bad_ , " _Eat something and lay down. I'll be home as fast as I can and-_ "

"No!" I exclaim before I can stop myself and I tighten my hold on the book, "You don't have to come home, f-father. I'm alright! I ate something and I drank some, uh, tea and I'm feeling much better!"

" _But I still think it's bet-_ "

"It's okay, really," I interrupt him, "It was just a small..." I search in my brain quickly for something reasonable, "stomachache! Yeah! Probably because I didn't eat breakfast!"

Stomachache? Seriously? I'm so _dumb_. Who's gonna believe such a obvious lie?

" _... Alright._ " I blink in surprise. He actually bought _that_? Wow. " _But are you really sure you're okay? I can still go ho-_ "

"Yes, I'm really okay," Unwillingly, my lips twitch upwards into a small smile. The concern he has for his daughter is amazing and heart warming. ( _The daughter that I_ **killed** \- No, stop) "And tell b-brother that it's alright for him to stay in school. He doesn't need to come home because of me."

Also, because I'm still not comfortable in either of you guys' presence but you don't need to know that.

He releases another sigh, " _Alright. Then rest up a lot, Sakura-san. I'll be home as fast as I can_."

"Mm," I hesitate for a second before saying, "Have a good day at work, father."

I'm actually proud that I could say that with stammering.

I could almost hear his smile, " _Thank you_."

We've said a small goodbye and I release a shaky breath, when I put the phone down. God, that was _terrifying_.

I sit down on the couch and look down at the book again. The cover is actually not as bright as I thought.

It's this dark red and the gold is also pretty dark. It seems really old, but in perfect condition. I turn it around and examine the drawings in the back. It's this golden circle with a sun and a moon and weird _symbols_ that I don't know what they are.

 _Should I open it?_

I mean, it has this little clasp thingie which is the lock I'm guessing. Well, it's just a book right? And I'm curious with what it has within.

But just as I make my decision and move to open it, the clasp _snaps_ open on its own.

* * *

 **This is clearly a somewhat of a filler episode with just a little bit of plot and I'm so sorry for that.**

 **The next one is where the crazy stuff will start happening!**


	4. chapter 4

**I don't own anything you recognize as CLAMP's.**

 **A long chapter for you guys.**

* * *

The book... just opened on its own.

I'm still holding onto it, my hands shaking and staring at the _open_ lock which should _not_ be open because _I didn't touch it_!

Okay, _calm down._

The lock can just be old and weak and it just opened when I moved the book in my hands. It does seem a bit rusty and this book does look old. Or maybe I'm just guessing stupidly and the freaking lock opened _on its own_.

Still trembling, I grab the edge of the cover and open it, frowning slightly at the content.

It's... _cards_.

There's writing that I can't read on the other side of the cover and the inside of the book isn't even a book. It's a deck of slightly bigger than usual cards and they look like those, what's the word? tarot cards? with the drawings on them. I place the book on the table in front of me and after taking a deep breath, I take the deck from the inside of the book.

The front of each card consists of an orange frame with two stars in the center portions with a flowing, thin golden frame around the central picture representing the card. Above, there's a half of a golden sun with a symbol in which I'm guessing Chinese or something because for the life of me I can't read it, and below, a ribbon with an English name on it and a small moon. And it the centre of the cards, there's a drawing which are the representatives of the cards.

 _Windy, Fly, Shadow, Watery..._ There's a lot of them, maybe around fifty? And they seem to represent each of the elements and a lot of other components of the world. It's like they're the _literal_ representation of the world in card form. And there's _something_ about them. I can't really explain it but when I touched them and grabbed them, they emitted this sort of aura? I'm probably imagining it but it felt _weird_ and somehow _comforting_.

"What am I supposed to do with these cards?" I wonder to myself, and why did I hear snoring when I was going into the basement? I'm so confused. I pick up one of the cards, the very first one - the one labeled as _Windy -_ and lightly touched the edges. The drawing was beautiful. It had the form of a woman, her eyes closed and arms crossed over her chest. The cards are all very beautiful but I don't have utility for them. I'm not a tarot reader, "Well, back to the book then."

I start gathering the cards back into a deck, not really minding the order I put them in because I can't possibly remember their order and place them again inside the book gently. I stare at them - at _Windy_ , more specifically - and wonder why they seem so... alive? It's just this feeling I have. Their presence is just... _something_.

And then, I remember the vision I had when I first picked up the book.

The one with me - but was it really me? because I'm not sure - in that pink and weird costume and the pink staff and the _flying yellow_ plushie and then... the _cards_! The cards falling all around. It had been these ones, I'm pretty sure of that!

But _why_?

"What's so special about you?" I ask no one really, as I pick up _Windy_.

( _"What's so special about you!" he shouts as I cower in fear, against the wall, sobbing, "You walk around the house like you_ deserve _it but you_ don't! _This is my house and I'm not gonna have you walking around it, like a smug little shit! You're just a_ **mistake**! _We should've thrown you out as soon as you were born!"_ )

 _Get out of my head! Get out get out get_ **out!**

I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling the familiar rolling down of tears on my cheeks. _I'm not special,_ I know it. I've known it since I could start understanding everything around me.

I look at the card and wince at the tear drops on it, "I'm sorry," I apologize, not even sure why I am doing it. It's a card, a non animated object but I felt the _need_ to do it.

 ** _ding dong_**

I jump in surprise at the sound of the doorbell and frown. Who could it be? Why would anyone visit at the hour? I place _Windy_ back in the book and walk to the entrance of the living room, turning around at the last minute to stare at the book, a weird feeling in my gut.

Maybe I should close it or something?

Shrugging, I jump again when the doorbell rings again and I fasten my pace towards the front door.

( _The cards that lay inside the open book start glowing a soft yellow._ )

With my heart racing, I reach out for the door handle and stop. Maybe I shouldn't open it. The father or the brother aren't here and I was specifically told to _not_ open the door to _anyone_ or even to tell anyone where I lived or-

 _Stop._ I no longer live in that house. I can open and answer the front door.

I pull the handle and cover my eyes when the sunlight hits my face. I squint to see who it is.

" _Sakura-chan_!"

I yelp when the person throws themselves at me and I just see violet hair in front of my eyes. They pull away, holding onto my shoulders and I can clearly see that it's the girl from this body's owner memories. The _best friend. Tomoyo_ , the memories tell me.

"When you didn't show up at school, I got so worried!" she says, now holding my hands gently and looking at me in so much concern that it throws me off in surprise. Oh, right. This girl had _so_ many people who she could call friends and that cared about her. _I'm a bit_ _jealous_. "Are you okay? Are you still hurting? I can get you something, if you'd like."

"Er... Tomoyo-chan," I speak up, the honorific sounding so _weird_ in my tongue and she blinks a couple of times, staring at me weirdly, "I-I'm okay. I'm feeling much better."

The sigh of relief that leaves her comforts me because I know that she won't press anymore. "I was so worried, but I am glad that you are feeling better, Sakura-chan."

I'm still getting used to being called _that_ but the smile she gives me is so bright and radiant that I just can't help giving her a small smile in return. She's very sweet. She was so concerned with her best friend that she immediately went to see if she was okay.

I never had friends like that.

"W-would you like to come in?" I ask her politely, moving out of the way.

"Yes, thank you," she replies, still smiling and walks inside, taking out her shoes and saying something that I didn't quite catch. "So, you are really feeling better?"

I nod, moving towards the kitchen. What do people offer guests? Tea? Coffee? A cake? "I am, honestly. It was just a, uhh, small stomache ache."

"I am very glad you're okay but I am very sad that I didn't get to see you in your cheerleading outfit," she sighs in defeat and I blink a couple of times, my hand freezing in the cupboard handle. What? "I could have gotten so much cute footage."

Um, what? Footage? Cheerleading outfit? _Footage_? She likes to _film_ her best friend while she's wearing cute things and doing her practice?

Oh, god. _Please don't make me wear cutesy outfits,_ I beg in my head, _Please don't._

But she looks so _sad_. I'm not a mean person. I don't like seeing sad people, especially when it's because of me. "M-maybe some other time?"

 _Why did you say that?_

But it seems to be the right thing to say becaseu Tomoyo is nodding vigorously, determined. "Of _course!"_

I laugh nervously. _I won't be able to back out, will I?_

"I have the perfect cost-"

A _loud_ sound interrupts what she was going to say and we both release screeches, when a strong wind blows against us. The plates and cups I had taken off the cupboard fly across the kitchen and break into tiny pieces. Tomoyo screams again and I reach for her, pulling her close to me, wondering what the _hell is happening._ There's a feeling in my gut and it's _not_ a good one.

"What is going on?" she cries, over the loud wind.

I don't answer because it's futile to talk over this mess so I just pull her with me, out of the kitchen and maybe getting out the house when I remember.

The _book_.

 _C'mon!_ I think desperately, holding onto the other girl's hand and together we move against the strong wind and walk towards the living room, which is a complete mess. The sofas are turned over completely out of place, and the paintings that we're once on the wall are on the floor, the window is open with the curtains raging.

My eyes widen. The wind is _definitely_ coming from the book, from one of the cards more specifically. There's something coming out of it! It doesn't seem fully materialized but it looks vaguely like a bird and it's moving upwards and the waves resulting from it leaving the card is blowing us back, against the far wall. Tomoyo releases a small groan of pain but I _can't_ focus on her. I have to get that _out of here_. It's gonna destroy the house!

The not so much bird but more like a substance transforming into a bird releases a loud screech and the sonic waves of that hits us too and I'm getting dizzy. It looks towards us and seems to stare at me before it continues to move upwards, its face going _through the ceiling_ and as it goes, cards follow its movement and fly upwards with it.

" _No_!" I shout in panic, running towards the book and closing it as soon the bird is out of the house. I close the lock and take it in my arms, moving towards Tomoyo again. "Are you okay?"

She is nodding and moving to stand when a loud screech echoes from outside and I shiver in fear because that was a fully formed bird screech.

Oh god. What _are_ these cards?

"Sakura-chan, are you okay?" Tomoyo whispers, looking at me in concern. She's shaking, I notice as I help her stand and she seems to have a sprain ankle. _Damn._

"Not really," I admit, wrapping one of her arms around my shoulders, so I can help her.

We walk out of the house. At first it doesn't seem like nothings wrong but there's tons of people outside, screaming in fear and asking themselves _what is going on_ and just running somewhere far away from here. Because on top of my house, is a pure white _huge_ bird. It's not moving, just looking from side to side as if examining its surroundings.

"W-What is _that?"_

I don't reply because I don't _know_.

The bird screeches and spreads its wings, before lifting itself up into the sky and we can't do anything besides watching it fly. What was _that_? It was a scene straight out of fantasy!

 _What_ is going on?

The book that I'm holding onto my chest tightly begins shining and I hold it away from my face, afraid that it's gonna release something else. But it just continues to glow a soft yellow and slowly, _something comes out of it._

I can see its round ears and it's yellow and it has small white wings and it looks exactly like the _plushie from the vision._ The one flying next to me. It comes out fully and it stays there floating above the cover and I thank the gods that there's no one around because that'd be _bad_.

It opens its eyes and smiles, "Hello-o-o-o!"

Tomoyo releases a small whimper of confusion, holding onto me and I just blink at it.

It looks at me, still smiling, "I'm surprised that you were able to wake me up!"

"An Osaka accent?" Tomoyo says, without thinking.

The little creature crosses its arms, still smiling, "Well, the book has been in Osaka for a long time. I've caught the accent."

"What _are_ you?" I ask, not sure what it could be. A plushie is talking. A magical book. Magical cards? _Where the hell was I reincarnated in_?

"A talking toy?" the girl with me muses, holding her chin in thought, "But the mouth is moving way too in sync with what it's saying."

That seemed to anger it because it gives us a glare, that is not really a glare but it did try, "I'm not a _toy_!" it exclaims angrily, before crossing its little arms again, "I am Keroberos, the Beast of the Seal who guards this book!"

Seal? Beast? " _What_?"

The book in my hands starts _levitating_ out of them and it puts itself in a standing position, the cover of it to us. "I look out for the cards in this book so they don't do anything bad!" The cover opens and the plushie - _Keroberos,_ I guess - screams.

I wince. It still has _some_ cards, but you definetly can see that there are _tons_ of them missing. The ones that flew away.

"Where are the other cards?!" he shouts in panic, holding onto the only _three_ cards inside the book, "Where did they _go_?!"

"Uhh," his stare moves to me when I begin talking, rubbing my cheeks nervously, "They, uhh, flew away?"

" _WHAT?_ "

Both Tomoyo and I wince again.

"A-and one of them materialized? And it's flying over this city," I continue explaining.

Keroberos suddenly turns serious and flies up, staring in the direction the bird had flown before coming back down. "This is _bad_ ," he mutters to itself, "Bad, bad, very bad!" He turns to us, "The cards from this book are called _Clow Cards_. And when the Seal on them is broken, a catastrophe will befall this world..." The silence was thick between all of us and he continues explaining, his tail moving back and forward, "Those special cards were created by an amazing sorcerer called _Clow Reed_. Each card is alive and possesses incredible power... We have to catch it before it's too late!"

"How? There absolutely no way we can catch a huge _bird_ ," I tell him.

"You'll catch it!" he exclaims, pointing at me with a smile that could be considered evil on his face but it just made him adorable to be honest. "You released them, you catch them!"

" _Excuse me_? I'm not catching anything!" I exclaim back, shaking my head in fear. "And specially not a big bird like that that could kill me in a second!"

 _I already died once. Not dying again._

He flies towards my face, "You were able to open the seal of the book so that must mean you have some sort of magical powers," he states calmly, as if it's a nice and clear explanation, "You're the only one right now who can do _something_ about this!"

" _Magical powers_?" Is he being serious, right now? But one look at his face shows me that _yes_ , he is _very_ serious, "I don't _have_ magical powers! I-I'm not special! I can't do _anything_! I'm not the right person for this job! For _any_ job to that matter!"

"Sakura-chan..." I hear Tomoyo whisper quietly but I don't look at her.

"You _have_ to!" Keroberos shouts, narrowing his small eyes, "If you don't, then the city is gonna be destroyed and everyone is gonna _die_! Is that what you want? Do you want thousands of people dying because you _think_ that you can't do anything?"

I freeze. _Thousands of people_ on my conscience. No, I don't want that! I squeeze my eyes shut, my hands curling into fists. But... "I'm gonna _die_ if I go up against that thing," I whisper, trembling and looking up to him, "I-I don't want to _die_." _Not this time._

Tomoyo let out a small sound that I can't really decipher as a gasp or a small sob but I can see the plushie's eyes softening. He reaches out and pats my head softly, giving me a smile, "I'll help you, of course! With the mighty Keroberos by your side, nothing is gonna happen to you!" He's puffing his chest out and patting it and it makes me slightly smile and Tomoyo giggle.

I look up towards the sky, in the direction where the bird is flying and destroying trees and scaring people. God, I hope no one's hurt. Or worse _dead_.

They couldn't have chosen the worst person to be in this situation. Why me? They should've reincarnated me as a rock. That way I wouldn't screw up anything. _Why_ did I open the book? _Why did I follow the sound_?

 _Okay,_ I tell myself, _you can do this._

I _can_ do this.

I _will_ do this.

"Tomoyo-chan, do you have a hair tie?" I ask her, turning to face her.

She frowns in confusion but reaches for her wrist taking one of the three she has there. Not sure why but it's not important. "Here."

I take it with a smile and grab onto to the light brown hair and put it up in a bun. The bangs aren't long so they won't bother me but if I'm gonna do this, I can't have my hair in my face. I don't want it to cover my face and blind me.

I turn to face, ignoring how my hair is pounding and my hands are trembling, "What do I do?"

"Stand over there," he instructs and I take a few steps back from him. He tells Tomoyo to back away before turning to face me again, a little ball of light coming out of the book's lock.

"There's someone who would like to form a contract with you. A girl. Her name is Sakura."

 _It's really not but I guess, now it has to be._

A golden circle with weird symbols and letters and a sun and a moon appears beneath me with me in the centre, the little ball of light moving towards me.

"Oh Key, give her the power. _RELEASE_!"

The ball of light _disperses_ and I close my eyes tightly, in fear of being blinded. A gust of wind rises around me. I force my eyes to open and see _the_ staff from the vision appear in front of me.

" _Sakura, grab the staff_!"

I move towards it and hold out my hand, feeling the staff's surface and curl my fingers around it. It expands some more until a reasonable size.

" _Yes!_ " Keroberos celebrates, "The birth of a new Cardcaptor!"

The circle and everything disappears and I'm left with the staff in hand and slightly disoriented. That was... _strange_. And I can't say that it wasn't cool because _woah_ , that was magic!

"Now what?" I question softly, still staring at the staff and awkwardly holding it in my hands. It's very light surprisingly. Its pink, although as it goes to the end its fading? And turning into a light red. The head is shaped like a bird's head with red gems for eyes, a beak, and a pair of tiny wings on either side of the small head. It's really... _girly_ and I feel really weird holding it.

Keroberos floats towards me and hands me the three only cards that were inside the book. I see their names. _Shadow, Wood_ and _Jump._ I think I was lucky that I even stopped that many from flying away. "It's not a lot of cards but we'll use them as we can to stop it!"

We both look at each other.

"Ready?" he asks.

 _No, not really but I don't have a say in this so..._

"Let's get this over with."

* * *

 **THERE** was something off about Sakura-chan.

Tomoyo isn't sure what it is but there's something _different_ about her. At first, it was because she missed school, even if Tomoyo knows that Sakura-chan _doesn't_ miss school even when she's sick because she hates worrying her father and brother.

So, she went to see if she was okay.

And that's the other thing.

The way Sakura-chan didn't ask who it was or that she seemed to hesitate even though she was clearly behind the door and then, her _eyes_.

Sakura-chan has been her friend since they were very little and there's also the fact that they're second cousins, so Tomoyo knows her very well. She's proud to say that she knows her friend better than anyone else, other than Sakura-chan's father and brother. And she knows her friend's eye color. She knows it very well. She _loves_ the green of Sakura-chan's eyes. She loves her eyes so much.

But when Tomoyo faced her, Sakura-chan's eyes were _not_ the green she knows and loves. They were this mix between green and blue and that made her blink a couple of times in confusion.

Was her friend using eye contacts? No, that couldn't be. She doesn't use them. Her eyesight is perfect. So what could it be?

And if that wasn't enough, hearing her friend talk so badly about herself was the final stop.

Sakura-chan doesn't usually talk badly about herself. She's a very cheerful girl and very determined and _loves_ doing things for others, helping them. It's what makes Tomoyo love her so much. It's just how she is.

Hearing her say how she wasn't special and that can't do anything was a hard blow to take.

Why did Sakura-chan talk like that? She's usually so happy and cheerful and when she can't do something, she'd try again and as many times as she needed!

But _that_...

 _That_ wasn't the best friend she knows.

But she'll stay quiet for now. Tomoyo's gonna observe the whole situation and maybe figure out _what_ is wrong with her friend.

* * *

 **THIS** was a bad idea. A _very_ bad idea.

"Good thing you have those things! It makes this easier!" Keroberos cheers, flying above me.

He's talking about the roller skates I'm using to be a bit faster. I got them from the house before we left. I never used ones before but they aren't as hard as I thought they'd be. And they're pretty fast which helps. I continue moving. We left Tomoyo back at the house because it'd be dangerous for her to come and she didn't protest, just gave me a smile and said good luck.

"How do we do this?" I ask, coming to a stop in a pretty open area, staring at the big bird, who stopped on top of another house, breaking through the roof. I hope the people that lived there are okay.

Keroberos hmms, hand on his chin, "We have _Shadow, Wood_ and _Jump._ We can use _Jump_ for you to get to it and then on its back and then _Wood_ to keep it from moving!"

"Jump on the thing's back?!"

"You can do it!" he reassures, "It's gonna be easy, you'll see!"

I know that's supposed to make me feel better but it doesn't. I gulp, staring down at the _Jump_ card. Okay, here goes nothing.

I get the staff ready, the golden circle from before appears beneath me again and a gust of wind rises up. The card is floating in the air (how, I have no fucking idea but I'm slowly thinking that I shouldn't question anything from this world) and in one swift moment, I twirl the staff so that its beak hits the card dead on, " ** _Jump_**!"

A cream pink colored substance leaves it and wraps around my feet. When it disappears, it leaves a pair of small white wings on them and I stare down in amazement. There's no connection between my feet and the wings but I _feel_ them there as if they were.

"Let's go!" Keroberos exclaims, _way_ to excited.

Making an impulse with my legs, I _jump_ and scream because _holy crap_ , I'm so high up! This card is freaking strong! I can see the whole city from where I am and as I descend, I try to do it on the roofs of the houses (doing my best to not freaking fall on my ass because for some reason, I'm still wearing those stupid roller skates!) , going from one to the other, until I reach even closer to the bird. It screeches and a even stronger gust of wind sends roof tiles everywhere and me flying but Keroberos manages to grab hold onto me. I straighten up and _jump_ in the air, placing my arms over my face so the gusts of wind the bird's releasing doesn't hit me in the face.

 _Okay, here we go!_

I descend towards its back and take out _Wood_ , letting it float off my hand and golden circle appearing beneath me again, I'm twirling the staff so the beak hits the card, " ** _Wood_** , stop it!"

Dark green spreads out of the card and forms a beautiful lady covered in leaves and she wraps herself and the many branches she's creating around the bird, mainly around its wings, who tries to break free but she tightens her hold on it and it can't move.

" _Now, Sakura!_ "

I land harshly with my stomach on the bird's back and in panic and fear, I grab on tightly onto its feathers, holding the staff tightly in my hand, words falling out of my mouth without control, "Return to the form you used to be, _Clow Card_!"

The golden circle appears and _pulses_ when the beak touches the bird's back, an outline of a card appearing. It screeches one last time and its for begins fading, turning into the substance from before and before I know it, I'm falling from its back with a scream.

 _Im gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna_ ** _die again_** **-!**

"Go'cha!"

Something grabs me by the collar of my shirt and I'm lowered gently towards the ground, the roller skates making me lose my balance and I tumble to the ground. I'm fine _finefine._ It's okay. I'm still alive.

I'm still _alive_.

Keroberos appears in front of my face, smiling and patting my forehead.

"Good job, Sakura," he praises, "It was a perfect capture."

A card falls straight into my hand and I see the familiar drawing of the bird on it. Below, it says _Fly._ Despite myself and the whole situation, my lips twitch into a small smile.

* * *

 **Different person, different outcomes.**

 **That's why it's so different and also because I didn't just wanna copy the anime and manga.**


	5. chapter 5

**I don't own anything you recognize as CLAMP's.**

* * *

" _Reports say that the police hasn't been able to discover the cause of the destruction of many households in Tomoeda but there's people claiming the appearance of a bird in the sky. Currently, there's fifteen counted injured but none of them are grave injuries and-_ "

I turn the TV off with a audible click, relieved that none of the cameras that filmed the chaos caught me when I had chased the bird and that no one had been gravely injured. I mean, fifteen people is still a big number of people but at least no one _died_. "I'm surprised they didn't catch any footage of the card itself."

Keroberos, who was floating above the book glowing a soft yellow because apparently he could sense if there was a card nearby, makes a small agreeing sound, "It was lucky, but it's best if we find a way to be more discreet."

"At least, we cleaned the whole living room and kitchen before your father and brother arrived home," Tomoyo says and I have to agree with her. "They must've heard about the incident but at least, with everything cleaned out, they don't think that we were in the middle of it."

After _Fly_ was caught, we immediately went back towards the house to meet up with her. We put ice on her foot and while she rested, both Keroberos and I cleaned up. It was something I was familiar with, cleaning the house. I spent nearly my whole life cleaning up my ' _home_ ' so it wasn't anything different.

The destruction wasn't anything different from broken bottles and pills spilled on the floor.

"Anything?" I ask, when Keroberos floats back down, the glow evaporating.

His shoulders slump in defeat, "Nothing. Can't feel any of the cards, except these four."

I look towards the four cards lying on the desk with the key form of the staff, which was pretty much a really small version of its head. The cards now have _Sakura_ written underneath their names, due to Keroberos telling me (last minute, might I add because he just suddenly remembered and _shouted_ what I had to do) that I was currently their new master in training and if I hadn't written the name on them, they'd continue being free which meant they could active whenever they wanted.

And we _definitely_ can't have that.

I pick up _Fly_ and Tomoyo asks, "Do you want to see what it does?"

Blinking at her, I suddenly get the fear that I'll summon a huge ass bird in the middle of the day, "What if it's just the bird again?"

"What if it _isn't_?" she counters with a mischievous glint in her eyes, "What if you get _wings_?" Her eye sparkled as she most likely imagined me with wings, "It'd be so amazing and _beautiful_!"

Biting back a smile, I share a look with Keroberos, a drop of sweat rolling down the side of his head, "I guess it's worth the try," I reason with myself, "But not right now. Late at night, when everyone is sleeping."

She nods in agreement.

The door downstairs opens and the father's voice echoes all the way up here, " _We're home_!" and we jump to our feet, moving downstairs, Keroberos mumbling something about getting him something to eat as we leave. Going down the stairs, we find the father and the brother - maybe I should start calling them by their names? - putting their things on the floor.

"Sakura-san," the father comes immediately in my direction (I didn't move away when he did it and I find that a win) and touches my forehead, with me flinching a bit because his hand is _cold_. The brother gives my head a small rub and proceeds into the living room, yawning, "No fever, that's good. Are you really feeling better?"

I nod, "It was just the s-stomach ache."

He sighs in relief and gives me a smile before his eyes widen. I frown at him, at the way he's staring at me. _Why is he staring at me like that?_

"I-is something wrong?" I nervously ask, because there has to be a reason why he's staring at me like that. Is it my face? My eyes-

Wait. My _eyes._

When I first woke up and saw my new face, the eyes had my previous blue with green mingled in them. What if the green was the girl's eye color, his _daughter's_ eye color? And now, out of nowhere, they're both green _and_ blue, something that couldn't be possible.

 _Damn it. How can I possibly_ explain _something like_ that?

 _Shitshitshitshit_ **shit**

What do I do? What do I _say_? I can't explain what exactly it is! He'll think I'm crazy!

"I-I-"

"I'm glad you're feeling better," he smiles and it's like nothing happened. _What the hell just_ happened? Straightening himself up, his hand comes to rest on my head, "But next time, tell us before you leave the house please."

 _What the hell was that?_ Why did he change the topic so suddenly? But relieved we stepped over it, I give him a small nod.

He looks past me and finally sees Tomoyo in the stairs, a little away because she most likely wanted to give us privacy, "Ah, Tomoyo-chan! I almost didn't see you there."

She comes down the stairs to stand beside me and bows, "Good evening. I hope I am not intruding."

"Of course you're not. It's very good to see you," he takes his suitcase into his hand, "I'll be preparing dinner in a little bit. Would you like to join us?"

She bows again and it's still weird for me to see so much bowing, "I appreciate the kind offer but I must be going now. My mother is waiting for me at home."

Hearing that made me sad. I'd grown used to her presence. It's soothing and just _different_ and good. I didn't want her to leave.

The father nods in understanding," I see. Another time then."

"Yes!" she replies cheerfully and still politely.

And he's gone, up the stairs with his suitcase in hand. I turn to her, biting my lower lip, "T-then we'll see each other tomorrow?"

 _Because there's no way I'm going to school alone and stay there the whole day_ alone.

Tomoyo turns to look at me and smiles brjghtly, "Of course, Sakura-chan."

I give her a small smile in return, "A-and also, can we go t-together to school?"

At that, her eyes widen in surprise or shock, I'm not sure. "You don't want to go with your brother?"

 _Damn_. Quick. Think of something. I search through the memories for something useful. "I-it's just I go with him all the time and j-just... I wanna go with you for once."

There's also the fact that I definetly do _not_ want to be alone with the brother but I wouldn't possibly say that.

"But, what about..." she lowers her voice to a whisper, "Tsukishiro-san?"

Tsukishiro? Who is Tsukishiro? My mind draws a blank for a second and I have to search through the memories. _Tsukishiro, Tsukishiro . . ._

And then, I hit jackpot.

A tall silver haired man with a kind smile that used to made _her_ heart race. The _person that_ she _cared for very deeply._ Oh, I'm definetly not gonna go with the brother. Can't deal with that yet.

"U-um, I'll see him some other time," I rapidly say, nearly stumbling all over my words.

Her eyes widen even more and a frown pulls at her lips for a second. A few moments pass and she's smiling again, grabbing my hands gently, "I'll be here in the morning. Sleep well, Sakura-chan."

And she's walking out of the house and gate, before reaching for something in her bag, which I'm guessing is a phone or something? Not even five minutes later, a SUV is stopping in front of the house and tall woman with dark sunglasses coming out. She bows in my direction and opens the door for Tomoyo to go in.

Holy crap. She has _bodyguards_?

What kind of a best friend did she - well, _I_ \- have?

Tomoyo waves one last time and I stand in the doorway, watching the vehicle disappear into the distance.

And just like I expected, dinner ended up being _awkward_.

It just consisted of the father talking about his job (apparently, he's a university professor) and asking if the brother's school had gone okay. The brother tried to tease me but I just didn't _know_ how to respond so I just pretty much stared at him until it was awkward and soon after, I just played with the food. I didn't eat anything. Maybe it was force of habit or something but I just ignored the hunger. The father had frowned and asked why I wasn't eating and I just _lied_.

 _Oh, I'm not hungry._

It was so easy for me to do it. I've been lying for ages. To myself when I was a child and told my mirror reflection that the bruises painting my body meant _he_ loved me, to anyone that I'd pass by in the street and they'd ask bruised old me if I was okay.

 _Oh, I just fell. I'm okay_.

And the father _believed_ what I said, just like all those people did.

Because no one really cared in the end. They just ask because they know you're gonna say that you're okay and they can leave you alone.

 _Because the world is unfair and bad._

(but maybe not _this_ world)

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I focus on Keroberos happily eating the pudding I got him from the fridge (after I rushed out of the table and the kitchen in a hurry). He's eating the whole thing in such big bites that makes me wonder just _how_ his little body digests it.

 _Maybe it's magic too_.

"It's so _good_!" he cheers with his mouth full. It pretty much sounded like 'ish sho goo' instead, "I was _so_ hungry."

"You probably went through a long time without eating, uh?" I speak up quietly, placing my chin in my crossed arms.

Keroberos nods, "Since I was inside the Clow book sleeping. But it's okay because I'm eating now and it's delicious!"

I wish I could say the same, that food is delicious.

I pick up the key and let it angle from my hand. It's hard to believe that this little thing is a staff that allows me to use _magic_. I still don't know where exactly I was reborn into (and I'll never find out most likely) but it's a world with _magic_ and that's like so fictional. It's definetly not the world _I_ was born into.

Maybe this is an alternate universe in which magic is real.

 _Maybe._

"Do you want to see what _Fly_ does?" he suggests, eyes glinting.

"I don't know," I honestly say, picking the mentioned card, "What if I _do_ summon a big bird? And shouldn't _you_ know what it does, oh Guardian of the Seal?"

Teasing someone feels _good,_ like I'm finally leaning how to live with friends.

"Let's just see!"

I bit back an amused smile and proceed to stand with the key and card in hand. Keroberos opens the big window beside the bed and we climb out, me immediately shivering when the cold wind of the night hits my bare arms. The moon is full and shining brightly on the city with the countless stars around it and the city almost seems to _glow_.

 _It's beautiful_.

It's hard getting to the roof (specially because cause I'm freaking terrified of _falling_ ) but we manage to do it, thanks to Keroberos pulling me up. I don't know how his little body can lift my body and fly with it's weight but then again, I shouldn't even be asking weird questions anymore.

This world is weird.

 _But nice._

"Okay, here it goes," I take a deep breath and hold out the hand holding the key in my fist.

" _The Key that hides the power of the dark_ ,"

The golden circle _spirals_ into existence under me and a familiar gust of wind brushes against my arms.

" _Show me your true form before me,_ "

Much like before when I was catching _Fly,_ these words seemed to flow past my lips automatically, like they somehow were engraved in my mind, which is weird because I never heard them anywhere.

" _I, E-_ Sakura _, command you under our contract,_ "

I squeeze my eyes shut. I almost said _it_ ; _my_ name. I wasn't even thinking straight. I just said 'I' and immediately thought of my name. But it's wasn't. Because that name is far away from this world.

 _Let's just hope he didn't hear my slip up._

" _Release_!"

The circle _pulses_ in the very same way it did before when I was doing the capture and I feel the key inside my fist _shift._ I open my palm and it slowly extends into the long staff. Curling my fingers around it feels somehow _finite_ , like it's too late for me to go back now.

I take the card from Keroberos and it floats out of my hand and to the ground gently, like it was riding in the wind. I place the staff in position, the circle forms again and the dark red beak hits the card's surface softly, " _Fly_."

The word is spoken quietly and there's this feeling that travels through my body when light pink bursts from the card and warps around the staff itself. The small wings on the head glow and start to _grow_ into a pair of long and pure white _wings_.

Well, Tomoyo was kind of right. It was wings, just not on me.

"Woah!" Keroberos approaches the wings and touches them, "They look just like _my_ wings. Not as awesome, of course!

Huh. Now that was a conversation I'd like to contribute in." You have wings this big?" I wonder out loud, curiously, "What, those little ones turn into bigger ones like the _Fly_ card?"

He nods but doesn't explain much more before he shouts, "Get on it!"

I look down at the staff and in one swift movement, I'm throwing one of my legs over it and holding it tightly in my two hands, the long wings behind me. Sitting down feels comfortable, which is surprising because I thought it'd be really uncomfortable. Maybe it's something to do with the card's magic?

There's so much I don't know.

 _Okay, I can do this._ I take a deep breath and _push_ with my legs so that I pretty much jump in the hair and much like with _Jump_ , I go so freaking high! What the _hell_ is up with these cards? Their strength is unknown and huge! I shut my eyes tightly in fear, waiting painfully for the impact of gravity bringing my body down but I just hear the soft beating of wings and feel no floor beneath my feet or me.

I open my eyes.

The town is complete dark. No lights in sight. Maybe a couple of ones from some windows but overall, it's just dark and quiet and glowing in the light of the moon. I hold on to the staff tightly, looking backwards. The wings show no sign of trouble at keeping me in the sky. My heart is beating so fast as I look down at the city beneath me. The last time I was this high over something...

 _I died_.

 _Stop it_ , I snap at myself. Only me to turn something beautiful and amazing into sadness.

"Sakura?" Keroberos calls gently, flying beside my shoulder, "You okay?"

One side of me is angry at him, at _everyone_ who's been calling me _Sakura_ because that's _not_ my name _that's not it! don't call me that-_ but the other is just so amazed and terrified at the same time from the sight and just not caring at the little detail.

"Mm," I give him a nod and try to control the staff to move me forward and turns out, I just have to actually lean forward. I'm stupid. Moving on. I fly over the big city. It's bigger than my own, much bigger. And more beautiful too. "I just... can't believe _I'm flying_."

Like actually _flying_! I've had the dream of flying (either being it actually getting wings - I was a young and naive little girl, sue me - and flying or airplane) but never got around to do it because of... obvious reasons and just doing it _now,_ in this new world is such an... accomplishment.

( _It was at that moment, right there flying in the night sky, that I thought that maybe I'm slowly getting used to the new life_.

 _Right before I force myself to remember that I was living it, by having stole it to a defenseless little girl._

 _And the guilt of having felt so happy in this life that hadn't been mine just surfaced all over again and consumed me._ )

* * *

 **SOMETHING** had happened.

Fujitaka had felt like something was _very_ wrong when Sakura flinched away from him in the morning, her eyes shut in fear but he didn't think much of it. She had said that it was because of a nightmare and like a fool, and because he was in a hurry to get to work, he had believed it.

Until the school called and stated that Sakura hadn't showed up that day and okay, that sent a few alarms going in his head.

And later that day, he looked - _really_ looked - at his daughter and thought, _those aren't my daughter's eyes._

Sakura didn't have her normal jade orbs. No, now they were this misture of jade and blue and _how was that possible_? Eyes don't change out of nowhere. _Something_ must've happened.

Something's very, _very wrong_.

But he doesn't know _what_.

His daughter is _different_. She's quieter. She's not the cheerful girl she had been all her years living. She didn't - can't seem to - look him or Toya in the eyes when they were having dinner together and she makes herself seem much smaller than she is, like she's _afraid_ something might happen if she talks or moves.

Taking off his glasses, the man runs a hand through his face.

What could possibly had happened for Sakura to turn into this . . . version of his daughter that he can't recognize?

He wonders if it's because he doesn't spend that much time home. But Sakura had never been bothered about that and neither did Toya for that matter. They _understood_. They knew their father's job made his spend little time in the house, with _them_.

 _What should I do,_ he thinks desperately to Nadeshiko's portrait.

 _Because I can't go on pretending that everything's okay_ _when it's_ not.

* * *

 **I END** up not going to sleep.

I'm laying down on the bed (it's still weird and _wrong_ because the bed is not mine and I shouldn't be lying down on it it's wrong _it'swrongwrongit'swrong_ ), in a pair of pajamas pants that I found in the wardrobe(wrongwrongwrong). I curl into myself, careful not to disturb the little yellow being that is snoring away, curled up against my head.

 _Magic_.

A world with magic. I start thinking about it once again. Magic cards and a living creature that isn't a human nor an animal. What kind of _universe_ was I reborn into? _How_ does a place like this exist? I know I'm in Japan because of obvisouly the language everyone is speaking but if I'm in _Japan_ , how can there be _magic_?

Then again, _how_ can reincarnation happen as well?

How is _any_ of this real?

I vaguely think that maybe _he_ hit me hard enough for me to enter in a coma (wouldn't be the first time) and maybe, everything that is happening - me dying, _reincarnating_ \- is just an hallucination from my coma.

But it feels _real._

This body _feels_ real. These people _feel_ real. Hell, even the _cards_ feel real and alive. The ache in my muscles from having gone against _Fly_ feel real. _Everything feels real._ It's real. All of it. But my brain can't _comprehend,_ can't _understand_ that all of this is _real_.

I touch Keroberos' head and he leans into the touch, murmuring dreamily, " _Pudding_..."

"How can you be real?" I whisper to myself, eyes on the little creature until they shift to the red book lying on the desk.

And without me being able to do anything against it, my body succumbs to exhaustion and sleep overtakes me.

* * *

 **Slightly fillery chapter and I'm starting to like writing character's point of views. It feels good and I hope they're not too terribly OOC.**


	6. chapter 6

**I don't own anything you recognize as CLAMP's.**

* * *

Going to school is . . . as awful as I remember.

I stare up to the building, hand tightly locked around the bag's strap. Kids are walking and running in with bright smiles on their faces and just cheering and talking to one another and I wonder to myself just _how_ can they just be so happy going to school?

"Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo calls, poking me with her elbow and I nearly flinch but hold it it. I think she notices but doesn't say anything about it, "Shall we go inside?"

I just nod, starting to walk ahead and keeping my distance to anyone else that passes beside me. I follow every single thing Tomoyo does so it doesn't seem suspicious. The entrance of the school has these rows of lockers and I watch as many other students take out their shoes and put on the pair that is inside their respective locker.

 _God, I'm never gonna get used to Japan._

Luckily, each of the lockers has the person's respective name so I just have to search the one with _Kinomoto Sakura_ and just open it because for some reason they don't have a locket. They're really responsible and polite and all that stuff, aren't they? I guess it's easier for me. I put on the shoes and I'm ready to pick my bag again, when a yawn echoes around the place and I _freeze_ because that surely sounds like-

"Sakuraaaa," Keroberos whines, trying to poke his head out my bad, "I want some-"

"Shhhh!" I push him down as gently as I can and try to ignore the stares that it got us. Tomoyo is laughing nervously and trying to give an excuse while I look down into my bag, to whisper, "You can't just talk out of the sudden!"

" _Buuuut,_ " he whines again and I sigh, because this little guy is so cute and just loud and whiny and just so _cute_. I seriously wonder if he's as awesome as he says in his true form. This is probably his real form and he's just lying, "I'm hungry."

I reach out and open a compartment inside the bag and take out a couple of cookies I had found this morning in the fridge. "Here you go," I tell him and his eyes literally _light up_ and _sparkle_ when he grabs onto them, "Just try to not get crumbs everywhere, okay? The Cards are in there and I doubt they'd like to get dirty."

It's so weird to mention the Cards as if they are living creatures, which they technically _are_ and it was my fault that they got freed so I should respect them as best as I can.

Also, I don't want them to get angry.

That'd be pretty . . . catastrophic.

The said beings seem to glow a bit before it dissipates. I'm guessing they're listening and they're pleased. Now that Keroberos is distracted eating, I once again fall into step following Tomoyo into our classroom.

I stop at the entrance, freezing up because _I don't wanna go there._ All those people inside . . . they know this body, this girl. They know Kinomoto Sakura and they probably like her as she is. I'm not her. This will go so _bad._ Why did I think that this would be a good idea?

"Sakura-chan."

Tomoyo's voice is quiet and she's touching my arm gently. I turn to her and there's this glint in her eyes that make it seem that she knows something I don't. Does she . . . know about _me_? Impossible but she most likely suspects. She seems like a very smart girl so I wouldn't be surprised.

"I'm fine," I tell her and she doesn't look convinced, squeezing my arm once, "I _am_. Just . . ."

 _Overwhelmed._

Overwhlemed is saying the least but there's no other way I could explain. She stares at me, _really_ stares at me and releases a small sigh before releasing my arm. Moving forward, she looks towards me and then walks inside the room.

Taking a deep breath, I do the same.

Almost as soon as I step inside, these three girls come running straight at me, concern vivid on their faces. I try to recognize them and the memories do fill me up on who each of them are. They're my - _Sakura's_ \- classmates and friends and she cared for them very deeply. They had a strong friendship. Well, as strong as a friendship between _eleven years_ old can be, I suppose.

"Sakura-chan!" the girl with brown eyes and brown hair to match in two braids - _Chiharu_ , the memories tell me - exclaims, taking my hands. I fight the feeling to tug them out of hers, "Are you feeling better? Do you still feel a bad?"

"Ah, y-yes," I stutter nervously, giving her what I hope to be a convincing smile, "I feel much better."

"Are you sure?" the one with shoulder length hair and glasses over her eyes - _Naoko_ , the memories tell me again - asks, sounding just so worried and I wonder just how close these girls are, "Because you still seem a bit pale."

I nod and gently take my hands from Chiharu's hold, "I'm very much fine now."

"Sakura-chan, your eyes . . ."

I turn to look at the third girl, the one with the chin length wavy dark hair - _Rika -_ and find she's staring at me with a frown. Whether it's a worried or confused frown, I can't tell but when she mentions my eyes, I freeze and try to think of an excuse, "O-Oh, I don't exactly what happened. I woke up with this, uh, pain in them and they had this color."

 _Great_ , I think sarcastically, _as if anyone would freaking believe that!_

"Maybe you should go see a doctor," she is still frowning as she reaches out to touch my face but I step back, barely containing the harsh flinch that goes through my body. She blinks in surprise before her hand lowers, "It's not normal."

I nod quickly, flashing a fake smile that I've mastered by now, "Yes, I will."

We disperse to each of our seats. I follow Tomoyo automatically, almost like muscle memory and sit down on the desk beside hers. I follow her movements when she takes her notebook with _Japanese_ scribbled on the cover and proceed to the same. A dark cover with _Japanese_ and _Kinomoto Sakura_ written on it faces me and I swallow dryly. Her name is pretty much in every single thing inside the bag.

 _Not mine_ , I remind myself _, Nothing is mine in this place._

It's getting harder and harder to remember that.

* * *

The sky is a dark grey when we walk outside of school for lunch break.

I frown and wince when a strong gust of wind blows through all of us. There's exclamations of surprise and people murmuring between themselves, " _They said that today would be sunny. This is strange._ " The wind doesn't stop. Actually, it grows stronger and it's nearly impossible to walk. And there's this _feeling_ going through my body . . . this feels like when I confronted _Fly_. It's hard to explain but it definetly feels like it.

Keroberos pokes his head out of my bag, frowning as he watches the sky, "This is . . ."

"Could it be the work of a card?" Tomoyo whispers as loud as she can so others won't hear her, grabbing onto my arm tightly. I hold on to her just as tightly.

"It could be," he replies, eyes still narrowed in the direction of the sky. People around us yelp loudly when a harsh and strong wind passes by and I actually see a couple of kids falling down onto the ground, "We need to get inside!"

Most of the students make it back inside the school, at the teachers orders when they show up and realize that this isn't normal. We follow them but remain at the entrance of the school when everyone else walked off to the cafeteria of the school. I watch the clouds move around, dark and heavy and I could almost see the wind brushing harshly against the trees surrounding the school and ripping the leaves from them, almost cutting the tree off.

This is _not_ normal.

This wind is way too strong to be considered normal.

And there's the _feeling_ again . . .

The feeling that tells me that this is definetly a card.

"If this really is the work of card," I start saying, moving my gaze to Keroberos, who is now flying beside my head, "which one could it be?" Then I remember the very first card I saw and picked up when I first found the book, "Could it be . . . _Windy_?"

"Mm," he confirms, nodding and crosses his little arms, "But _Windy_ is one of calmest cards in the deck. She's gentle. She wouldn't do something like this."

I understand what he's saying but the Cards have been locked inside the Clow book for so long. Any of the cards would be gleeful if they had a chance to go around freely. Even someone gentle and kind would happily move around if they were suddenly free.

"Maybe she's just enjoying the freedom because she knows that someone will capture her," Tomoyo says, a small smile on her face and I could almost see the sparks around her, "I wonder if the Cards felt the contract that Sakura-chan made with the key? Wouldn't they have felt it?"

Huh, never thought of that. The magical contract was with the key and the book and since the Cards _belong_ to the book, they must've felt it when the contract was made. But this is just speculation. We have no way to know if this is true.

"I'll go to face _Windy_ ," I state, surprising myself with how _determined_ I sound, touching the key around my neck and take it out. I formed the contract. I have to follow through it.

Even though I don't really _want_ to but I don't really have a choice. I'm _not_ gonna die. I'm gonna this and _survive._

The other Cards are on my pocket in case I need them.

When we're sure that there's no one around, it's time to move.

" _Key that holds the power of the dark_ ," The key in my hand warms up and starts glowing, the familiar golden circle spawning into existence beneath me. I look around once more to make sure that no one is looking, " _Show your true form before me. I, S-Sakura, command you under our contract,_

 _RELEASE_!"

The circle pulses and the key grows into the familiar staff I held only two times before. I grasp it tightly and grab _Fly_ from my pocket, " _Fly_!"

Glowing and transforming, the small wings from the staff turn into the majestic ones from before and I climb onto it, Keroberos flying above me.

I turn to Tomoyo and give her a smile, one that I realize to be quite truthful and honest, "I'll be right back."

And we fly off, in a burst of pure white feathers.

( _Left behind, Tomoyo just watches the back of her best friend flying away, wondering again how she seems like a completely different person._

 _She shakes her head and takes a familiar piece from her bag, raising it._

She _wouldn't be herself if she didn't film Sakura-chan even as different as she is now._ )

The wind nearly blows me backwards but I grab onto my staff tightly. _Fly_ is doing a great job at keeping me in the air but I'm _terrified_ that I'll end up losing my balance and fall to my death.

 _Great thought to have when I'm like thousand feet on the air._

Using my arm to shield my face, I look up to where a group of dark clouds are hovering above a certain part of the city and wonder, _Is that her?_ There's this sort of typhoon but not really one and I'm betting that it's where she's hiding. It just seems fit.

"I can sense her!" Keroberos shouts over the strong wind. He points ahead, towards the typhoon I had just observed, "She must be hiding there!"

We fly closer and I think of way to do this. I don't really have a card that would work on _Windy_. _Shadow_ wouldn't be able to do anything and neither would _Wood. Watery_? She'd probably just create a even greater storm.

 _Damn it._ How do I do this?

" _Windy_!" My voice almost can't be heard over the strong wind and I'm pushed backwards, Keroberos yelping as the same happens to him but I force myself to move forward again, " _Windy_! I know you must be happy to be free but you shouldn't-"

I'm _thrown_ backwards, spiraling across the sky and a scream is out of my lips, fear coursing through my body.

" _Sakura_!"

 _I don't wanna dieIdon'twanna_ **die**

 **I don't want to** ** _die_** **!**

I feel the staff _pulse_ and the wings _expand_ in a burst of white. I grab onto it tightly, noticing the tears rolling down my cheeks, chest squeezing painfully and the urge to vomit at my throat. But I can't, I _won't._ I can almost feel _Fly_ 's power trying to keep me calm, like it's telling me to trust it.

And I _do._ Because if it weren't for _Fly_ , I would probably be dead right now.

" _Thank you,_ " I whisper gratefully and tearfully, holding onto the staff with both hands.

It pulses again and a smile breaks in my face, before I look up to face the typhoon - _Windy_. And in one swift movement, I breathe in and I'm flying right towards her. The winds try again to thrown me off but I hold on tight and _Fly_ is doing its best, so I need to do it as well.

"Sakura!" Keroberos appears at my side, voice filled with concern. He must've been thrown away as well, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I say, not turning to look at him because I need to keep my focus on _Windy_.

I have a plan. It's not the . . . most clever plan and it could end with me dying but from what happened earlier, there's lots that could happen that could kill me so I'm just gonna try it.

Let's just hope I don't die.

( _"You can't do_ anything _!" he shouts as he delivers another punch, "You don't have any intelligence to do_ anything. _You're worthless and stupid and you should_ **die** )

No. I'm gonna do it because I know I _can do it_!

I'm possibly _insane_ to have thought of something like this but I have to _try_.

And I'm moving even more forward, but this time so that I'm above the area where _Windy_ is. _Fly_ keeps doing its best and I'm so, so thankful to it as we go closer to _Windy_ and as soon as we're at a safe distance above it, I dispel _Fly_ , the wings shrinking almost immediately amd disappearing and I'm _falling_.

Even with the loud winds, I can still hear Kerobero's panicked and frightened shout of _Sakura_!

I _know_ this is gonna work. _I know it_. I fall right _into_ the typhoon and I can see _Windy_ 's physical form surrounded by winds. She's pure white with some green spread over her body - she's beautiful. Her eyes open and meet mine and as I'm falling, I twirl my staff and shout, " _Return to the form you used to be, Clow Card!"_

As the golden circle spawns, I stop falling and it feels like I'm standing on firm ground. A silhouette of a card appears in front of the staff's beak and right before she turns into white substance, I see _Windy_ 's lips forming a smile before she sucked into the card, the clouds dissipating as she vanishes. The card comes to my hand and I smile, before the spell is broken and I'm _falling_ again.

But it's okay because now . . . " _Windy_!" The beak touches the card and she bursts out of it in a flash of white and wraps herself around me gently and warmly before she brings me safely to the ground.

I land on my two feet and I'm safe _safesafe_ **safe**. Breathing in, I feel _Windy_ turning back into the card in my hand and I hold it close, my heartbeat going crazy.

I _can't believe_ I did _that_.

Oh my god. I could've died. I _almost_ died. Holy mother of god. I could've _died_.

 _But you didn't_ , something seems to whisper to me. _You did well._

Despite everything, I smile.

" _Sakura!_ " " _Sakura-chan_!"

Two things collide with me - them being Keroberos and Tomoyo. The little yellow being is yelling and scolding me at my irresponsibily and how I could've done something else and Tomoyo is just holding me close, her body shaking. I wrap my arms around them and bring them close to me ( _they're not mine to not mine_ **not mine** ).

"I'm okay," I say out loud and I'm not sure if I'm telling themor _me_. It seems inconclusive by this point, " _I'm okay_."

* * *

 _Windy_ now has _Sakura_ written on it and is standing on my desk with the other cards, right beside the book and the key.

"That was really a bad, bad plan," Keroberos scolds, mouth full with the pudding that the father had bought to be dessert after dinner, "What if she hadn't turned back into a card?"

 _I would've fallen to my death_ , is what I think but don't say. "But she did," I retort gently, holding the pillow I've been holding for the past hour tightly, "I know that it wasn't the safest plan but I couldn't think of anything else. And you didn't see how _Windy_ smiled before she turned into a card - she _wanted_ to be captured. She _knew_ that I'd go for her. I'm sure she wouldn't have let me fall to my death."

" _Windy_ knew, huh?" he mutters, almost fondly, "Of course she'd knew. Somehow I'm not surprised."

I lay down in bed. Another card, another day in which I almost died. This is gonna turn into a routine, I know. God, I just hope I can capture all of them and end all of this.

Maybe become normal.

Keroberos gets close to my face and pats my forehead, "You did well, Sakura. You did so well."

( _"You can't do anything right! Not even a simple grade in a test!" he shouts as he launched himself forward again-_ )

I block _his_ voice out because I'm so, so _tired_ of having it in my mind constantly trying to break me down.

I focus on Keroberos words and give him a smile, "Thank you."

I did well.

* * *

 **if this chapter seems a bit funky, it's because i had a bit of a block while writing it so i apologize for that.**

 **i'm so glad that people are enjoying my story. thank you so much** **for giving it a chance.**

 **until next time.**


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